Mommy Horror Humor

I read a few mommy blogs (and even a daddy blog), and basically what I've learned is this: In order to produce an entertaining, funny blog, you need to have kids who do stuff that drives you to the point of near-insanity. Like All & Sundry's author whose toddler won't sleep through the night and stuffs dog hair in his mouth when he's angry.

I don't have stuff like that to write about. Well, okay, there's the fact that he'll say "da da da" all day long, but anytime anybody asks him to say "ma ma" he blows razzberries instead. Or there's the time I forgot to close his closet door and he could reach it from the crib and played with it noisily for a few minutes in the middle of the night before going back to sleep on his own. Or the time he woke up because his pajamas, sheet and blanket were soaked due to an inadequately fastened diaper, but once he was changed and dry went RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP (there's a trend here).

I guess I could write about the bicycle and bike seat I got for Christmas and have only used once due to Alex's wardrobe being ill-equipped for this freakish cold spell we're having, but that's Mother Nature's fault and not Alex's. Or maybe it's my fault because of my refusal to shell out the dough for cold-weather clothes when it'll be warm again in a week or two and by the time it's cold enough again to wear it he'll be, like, five sizes bigger. I'll just wait a couple weeks to ride the bike.

I don't have horror stories. I don't wish I did. I have a happy, tame baby and a boring blog. Somehow, I'll cope.

Christmas 2009

What was Christmas like before TLB came? I honestly don't remember. Christmas 2009 was the most awesome Christmas ever.

Things I've Learned

It's been a while since I've updated, but in my absence, I've learned a few things:

Elmo isn't as annoying as I initially believed. Apart from referring to himself in third person, he's really not that bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go out and buy a bunch of Elmo stuff for TLB's room, but I can totally handle watching "Elmo's World" on Sesame Street. Telly Monster and Baby Bear are annoying as all get-out, though (though the episode where Gabi babysat Baby Bear and his sister and made up that song "Now You're Doing the Bear" was really cute), and I'm convinced Zoe is borderline retarded.

Fevers don't need a reason. Sometimes they just happen, with no other symptoms. Really high ones. For, like, a week.

It takes a village to raise a child. Okay, maybe not, but having a couple extra villagers on hand from time to time is pretty convenient (see "Fevers don't need a reason"). My mom and dad ROCK.

Babies are hams. At least mine is. I don't know how he knows how to mug for the camera, but... he does.

Drama doesn't have to happen. At least, so far. Alex doesn't cry without a reason, and every reason has a solution. Feed him. Change him. Put him down for a nap. Sometimes a combination of those three (bottle + bedtime = magic). I think that a secure baby is a good baby. He knows I'm there for him, so whatever else is happening can't be that bad. I realize the Drama Factor may change when he's a Terrible Two. We'll see.

Bedtime Routine = Bedtime. This is magic. If the proper steps are followed, my son will go to sleep anywhere -- our house, my parents' house, the playpen at Uncle Roland's house, the playpen in a hotel room, anywhere. He knows that after dinner comes a bath; after his bath comes bottle, prayers and story; then the lullabye playlist goes on, the lights go off, and it's time to go to sleep. DO NOT STRAY FROM THE ROUTINE.

Five people cannot go on vacation in one vehicle if a baby is involved. Not if the driver wants to see out the back window, anyway.

There is no life before baby. Or at least if there was, I can't remember what it was like. I can't imagine being without him. Ever. Which confirms my theory that Casey Anthony is an evil, inhuman whore. EVIL.

This list is by no means complete. It probably never will be. Every day brings a new lesson. Luckily, I have always loved to learn.

Silent Night

So, we've been having some sleeping issues. By "we" I mean TLB, of course, but when he wakes up at 4 am yapping over the monitor, it's really hard for me to get back to sleep afterwards, so his issues are my issues. My first impulse was to point my finger at day care. "His Cuddle-Gram says his last nap was at 11:15 and it was only for twenty minutes!" I'd cry. But people kept telling me that it's just something that happens. Just when you get on a schedule, the baby will change the schedule. THEY say.

I like to think I'm smarter than the average bear. So you'd think when my husband, who is always first up to change TLB's diaper in the morning, starts telling me morning after morning "I didn't put his pajamas back on him because they were wet" a bell would go off? Right? Right?!

It took ME getting Alex out of bed and feeling the sogginess of his Sleep-sack to realize that maybe something wasn't right. So last night, after he chugged 10 ounces of formula like a frat boy at a kegger, I thought I'd try out those size 3 Baby Dry Pampers that Philip picked up at the store the other day.

My alarm went off at 5:15 am as usual. I was asleep when it happened. So was TLB. I woke him up to change his diaper and give him a bath at 6 am as usual, and holy cow! That diaper weighed a TON! But baby was dry and happy. And well-rested.

Another mystery solved.

Hopefully he'll sleep so hard again tonight that he won't roll onto his tummy. But just in case he does, he'll be wearing his new Snuza movement monitor. Now Mommy can sleep better, too.

Peace of Mind

Alex rolls over now. He's pretty good at it, in fact:



That is to say, he's good at rolling from back to tummy. He HAS rolled from tummy to back before, but he hasn't quite figured out that he could do it at will. So a lot of times he rolls to his tummy, then gets unhappy about it because he can't figure out how to get back.

Unless he is sleeping. He has become a stomach sleeper, just like his mom. Try as I might to put him to bed on his back, I will go into the nursery to check on him and find this:


As I've said before, SIDS terrifies me. While I realize that there is likely many more factors to it than just a mattress and a baby's face, it's still a frightening prospect. And since I cannot spend my entire life watching my baby sleep to make sure he keeps breathing, the feature FOX News did on the Snuza Halo Baby Movement Monitor definitely caught my attention.

My peace of mind is definitely worth $130 with free shipping. I'll just be spending my nights by Alex's crib until it arrives.

Day Care

Eventually, the day had to come. School pre-planning arrived, which meant day care for my little Monkey. Earlier in the summer, my mother and I spent a day shopping for day cares, and I found one that I liked reasonably well. The big selling point was that it was less than a mile away from school. It was also fairly new, so it was small and clean. Alex would be one of two babies.

My husband went with me the first morning. He said it was so he could meet the workers there, so they'd know him if he ever had to pick Alex up, but it was really for moral support. It wasn't that I was worried. I was just going to miss my baby, that's all. We'd been together ALL SUMMER.

Anyway... I was prepared! I had Alex's bag all packed with his diapers, formula, a bottle, a change of clothes, a burp cloth, a toy... everything I thought he'd need. It's a good thing I packed a change of clothes, because I forgot to pack a bib. I also wrote up Alex's "typical" schedule (naps, feedings, etc.). Not because I expected them to follow it, of course -- I'm not THAT much of a spaz-mom -- but because I'd noticed on the application there was a space for "Is there anything we should know about your child" and I thought my schedule might help them out if they were trying to figure out why he was fussy.

The owner of the center seemed appreciative of the list, but told me, "You'll probably notice that he'll be more tired in the evenings, because we try to keep the babies up doing brain activities." Keep them up?! Strange, I would have thought they'd want the babies to nap. I know I DO.

So it was at that moment I decided to look for another place. The mother of a couple of my students had given me a card for a woman who runs a day care out of her home. We were on the same page for napping, but she lost me when she said I would still be paying for the space if she took a vacation. She decides to go on vacation for a week, and I have to pay her AND find someone else to keep my child? I don't think so.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Alex's first week at day care was surprisingly smooth. The baby teacher is far more accommodating about nap time than I was led to believe, and she seems to do very well with Alex. I like getting his daily "Cuddle-gram" that tells me when he napped, ate, peed and pooped. I like seeing "Alex was [x] happy [ ] sad [ ] fussy [x] other __outside___" (I am assuming someone TOOK him outside, and that that's a good thing). He's going to stay there for now.

Plus, it literally takes me TWO MINUTES to drive there after school. That's less time I have to spend away from my boy.

My Baby's Brain (and other things)

Because that's really what all this sleep stuff is all about. I'm concerned about my baby's brain development. Especially because I don't eat fishy Omega-3-rich foods, and I'm terrible about remembering to take my vitamins. My little monkey needs every advantage I can give him, and sleep seems like the easy one.

"Cry It Out" has gone well, and now sleep is achieved with minimal to no crying. Monkey-boy is back to putting himself to sleep at night after I lay him down, and he sleeps for 11 to 13 hours. The trouble has been naps. He has only napped for 30 to 45 minutes at a time...

UNTIL YESTERDAY.

Yesterday I laid him down for his late-afternoon nap, which is normally pretty short. At 3 p.m. he laid down without fussing, and promptly fell asleep. HE WOKE UP AT 5 P.M.! A two-hour nap is unheard of, and the fact that he did it so close to bedtime alarmed me a little. But we started our evening routine shortly after he woke up, and he went right back to bed at 6:30 p.m. and slept all night.



I thought it was a fluke. This morning, his 9 a.m. nap was the same 45 minutes it usually is. When he went down shortly before noon, he was awake 35 minutes later. I was eating my lunch, so I just listened to him on the monitor. He tossed and grunted a little, but didn't cry. And then something magical happened. He went back to sleep.

He slept for two hours again. Two glorious hours. I was able to DO STUFF. Like, more than one thing. I didn't have to prioritize my chores and do the one that was most important. I could do several. It was wonderful.

But really, nap time isn't about me. Honest, it isn't. It's about my happy, well-rested little boy... and his brain.